The Daily Struggle

Today's post is less about my progress, which is little to none, and more about the daily struggles. When I wrote last, I had gained weight back and that has not changed. I am still at 220 pounds, and I fluctuate between that and about 205 pounds. I admittedly have not followed a good diet and have not been exercising. I have felt very tired since last November 2014 and had some other personal issues going on. I still take 50,000 IU of Vitamin D each week. I also take several vitamins. I have been having blood tests over the last several months to see what may be going on with me. So far the only odd tests seem to be  low Aspartate Transaminase (AST), which is a liver enzyme as far as I have read. I do not know if this is significant at this time. But I will be going to my primary care doctor later this month and we will see if he wants to do more tests.

In other news, for some reason since last November 2014, I have been an emotional wreck. About 3 months ago I was crying all the time for no reason, sleeping almost all of the time I wasn't at work, and really extremely bitchy at work. I finally broke down and went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression. I already knew I had anxiety as well from a psych evaluation I had done back in 2009. My doctor put me on Citalopram HBR 20 mg, and this has really helped me. My emotions are back to being stable and I am less tired than I was. However, I still experience pain in my legs and arms, and I still sleep quite a bit. I do not think this has been caused by my surgery. I know I have been through at least 2 other bouts of depression that I did not see a doctor for.

I actually have a really good life, I have great friends, a good job, a great family. I lost my shit when my doctor told me he wanted me on the depression medicine. I told him I felt like a failure.  My doctor said sometimes the brain chemistry just gets out of wack. He asked if I would feel like a failure if I had heart problems or a thyroid problem. I told him no, and he said that I should not feel like a failure now because I had a problem in my brain. So that was very helpful to me in accepting the need to be on medicine. I have to admit that it was much needed. I feel like my regular self now, except for being tired all the time. I am trying some different things regarding that, and may end up having more tests. But I will update when I have more news to share.  I am planning to trying to eat healthier, but I hate to cook. So it is still a struggle to adjust to this life for me. Until next time! Stay strong! You are not alone in this!

One year later

I had my one year follow up about a week or two weeks ago. I didn't really update because I didn't make any new progress. In fact, I regressed and gained about 20 pounds over the three months since my last visit. That really was a let down to hear, even though I could tell I was gaining weight back.

I had already decided before the weight gain reveal that I was going to quit my second job. I was just too tired all the time, every time I planned to go exercise I would end up having to work. This week is the first week I have not worked a second job since November of 2014. Thankfully I am starting to feel better, but I am not quite back to that feeling of being well rested. 

This is also partially because of my ongoing saga with Vitamin D deficiency.  I have also had low protein numbers in recent labs. What surprised me the most however, was learning that my iron was low today. I can't remember a time when my iron was ever low, and it may be a contributing factor as to why I am still so tired. So I will be adding an iron supplement to my daily vitamin regimen again. I was taking iron before just as a precaution, but stopped taking it due to feeling it was unnecessary.

My diet is going horribly......because I haven't been following one. In fact, I have been eating out about every day because I feel too tired to cook. I've been using McDonald's sweet tea sugar highs (54 grams of sugar by the way) to get me through my shifts without falling asleep. This definitely has to change, and I think it will be easier once I truly start getting more sleep. I am also having to take a sleep aid in order to get more than 4 or five hours of sleep at a time. 

No matter how tired I am next week though, I HAVE to get back to the gym...even if it is something low impact like yoga. 

As ever, I still struggle with this weight loss and if you are struggling too we can't let ourselves be discouraged. I am constantly trying to remind myself that if I don't like something that is happening in my life, then I need to find a way to change it.

Somewhat related to that, I am hoping my schedule will change in June. This will put me as having off Saturday and Sunday. If all goes as expected I think this will help me tremendously. This will allow me to spend time with friends and family that I have barely gotten to see over the last year, and will really help my mood. I think I may have been depressed over the winter due to my low Vitamin D as well as feeling cut off from the people I am closest to. I am starting to get back my normal cheerful self. 

There is not much to talk about otherwise, but my next post should see me back on track. I am hoping to be able to report progress again! Until then, thanks for reading and sharing this journey with me!

9 Months Post Surgery Update

Today's blog is not too eventful. I had a check up today at the doctor's office and I have only lost 5 lbs since my 6 month follow up. If I am surprised, it is due to that I lost any weight at all. I actually expected that I had gained weight. But thankfully this was not the case, even though I have treated my body horribly by eating out nearly every day.

Here is my Tanita print out:

Today will mostly focus on the issues I have been having since my last update. Around mid November,  I got an upper respiratory infection which knocked me down for about 2 weeks. Up until then I had been going to the gym pretty regularly and trying to do the circuit workouts my friend gave me. After that illness I just could not shake the fatigue I had been feeling. I ran out of my vitamin D prescription of 10,000 units a week around that time as well. But even with the prescription I was still feeling tired a lot. I didn't even want to get out of bed most days. I spoke with my primary care physician today about increasing my strength for prescription of vitamin D.

It turns out that he had already increased my prescription strength to 50,000 units once a week at my last visit 3 months ago. I guess the pharmacy only saw the old prescription,  because my last prescription was filled at 10,000 units. So, in addition to me not having my medicine for about 1.5 months the prescription for the month or two before that was wrong. It's no small wonder that I could barely drag myself out of bed on some days.

If you don't know much about vitamin D, it is necessary for metabolic function. My personal symptoms of Vitamin D deficiency have been loss of hair, fatigue, depression,  and general weakness. In fact about 3 or 4 years ago, rapid hair loss is how I finally found out I had a vitamin D deficiency.  I am coming to believe that this runs on my maternal grandmother's side of the family. Both my mother and I have a diagnosed Vitamin D deficiency and my uncle, who is biologically my mother's half brother, also has known issues with this. My uncle has this despite all the time he spends fishing outdoors. There are many other things that run in our family which have also been linked to Vitamin D deficiency in different articles I have read: Asthma, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome, and problems with weight.


Anyway, I had all kinds of labs drawn today and I hope to get the results soon. Most of the labs were routine, like for cholesterol and complete blood count and cmp; but he also added labs for iron, zinc, phosphorus, magnesium, and vitamins: B12, A, D, E, K. They took about 8 to 10 vials of blood. We will see what the lab results say as to whether I need to change any of my current vitamins, but as of today I am supposed to be taking the following:

Calcium, a multivitamin,  Biotin (5,000 mcg), B1(Thiamine)(100 mg), and Vitamin D 50,000 units.

My nurse practitioner at the surgeon office also wants me to start keeping a food journal, drink 64 oz of water a day, and go to some of the support meetings for people who have had the surgery. These are goals I will be working on as well as getting back in the gym. 

That's all for now. I will try to update everyone when my labs come back. I didn't take any pictures because I really look the same in appearance as my last blog.