The Daily Struggle

Today's post is less about my progress, which is little to none, and more about the daily struggles. When I wrote last, I had gained weight back and that has not changed. I am still at 220 pounds, and I fluctuate between that and about 205 pounds. I admittedly have not followed a good diet and have not been exercising. I have felt very tired since last November 2014 and had some other personal issues going on. I still take 50,000 IU of Vitamin D each week. I also take several vitamins. I have been having blood tests over the last several months to see what may be going on with me. So far the only odd tests seem to be  low Aspartate Transaminase (AST), which is a liver enzyme as far as I have read. I do not know if this is significant at this time. But I will be going to my primary care doctor later this month and we will see if he wants to do more tests.

In other news, for some reason since last November 2014, I have been an emotional wreck. About 3 months ago I was crying all the time for no reason, sleeping almost all of the time I wasn't at work, and really extremely bitchy at work. I finally broke down and went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression. I already knew I had anxiety as well from a psych evaluation I had done back in 2009. My doctor put me on Citalopram HBR 20 mg, and this has really helped me. My emotions are back to being stable and I am less tired than I was. However, I still experience pain in my legs and arms, and I still sleep quite a bit. I do not think this has been caused by my surgery. I know I have been through at least 2 other bouts of depression that I did not see a doctor for.

I actually have a really good life, I have great friends, a good job, a great family. I lost my shit when my doctor told me he wanted me on the depression medicine. I told him I felt like a failure.  My doctor said sometimes the brain chemistry just gets out of wack. He asked if I would feel like a failure if I had heart problems or a thyroid problem. I told him no, and he said that I should not feel like a failure now because I had a problem in my brain. So that was very helpful to me in accepting the need to be on medicine. I have to admit that it was much needed. I feel like my regular self now, except for being tired all the time. I am trying some different things regarding that, and may end up having more tests. But I will update when I have more news to share.  I am planning to trying to eat healthier, but I hate to cook. So it is still a struggle to adjust to this life for me. Until next time! Stay strong! You are not alone in this!