Beyond Frustrated

I'd like to preface this blog, by saying I have the utmost respect and trust for my doctors involved in this process for my Bariatric Surgery.


Having said that, I currently would like to scream and throw the biggest tantrum ever. I had to go get Cardiac clearance for my surgery today. I'm thinking, 'I don't have a heart history,  this should be a piece of cake.'

WRONG.

He asks me, "Do you have shortness of air when going up a hill?" I reply, "Yes." We had already discussed my Asthma and lack of exercise.  So he says, "Okay, I want to schedule a baseline echo of your heart and a stress Echo of your heart. When are you planning to have your surgery?" I tell him I would like to have it before April is over, but I am still in need of Pre-Approval from my insurance.  Thus the reason for today's visit. He takes me to the scheduling desk and they inform me that I can get in this week for the stress echo, but I can't get into the baseline echo at their office until the 21st of the month. Plus I can't schedule my follow-up visit with the cardiologist for 4 weeks. Well at that I just busted out crying.

Another damn month of trying to get this surgery. This is literally the only thing holding me back from asking for approval from insurance.  Not only that, but the job that I have been wanting to work at for more than 3 years is going to be hiring in a month. Assuming that I were to get this job, does that mean I would have to choose between having my surgery and taking the job?

My stress level over this is out the roof. Not to mention, I happen to have met some people who just a month or two ago decided to have the same surgery, and now they have had their surgery. Today is 10 months or more that I have been trying to get this surgery.

Of all the things to delay my surgery I thought it would be the Pulmonary Clearance,  but that was a breeze.


This is just how the whole process has gone for me; I'll think I'm close, only to have setback after setback. I am really trying to stay positive,  but it's getting very difficult.  I keep saying, "I'm going to be able to get my surgery, it's going to happen!" But then I wonder, is it really? Because it seems like the universe keeps trying to tell me no.